I’ve not really known fear, not since that winter in grade nine when we went to Dyer’s Memorial late at night but that’s a different story, I have certainly never felt so much as anxiety when it came to singing. I just sing, I sing all the time, and I don’t really care who hears me or what they think, I just do it, it’s fun. But today, today was different, and I’m having a hard time getting over it, but before today there was yesterday, and yesterday the weather was spectacular, it was one of those nights it would be a shame to let go to waste, so Tyler, Matt and I went long boarding fairly late into the night, and while we were out we stopped by Starbucks and took some time to slow down. Inside was full so we sat outside and at one point in the night I started to sing “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show and Tyler who plays the guitar suggested that we go out for a talent show who’s auditions where being held today, he was half sarcastic but we decided to actually go for it, and that’s where I got my stage fright for the first time. Singings never been an issue, I used to be awful, and I know that I’ve improved, but I’ve never thought of myself as great or even particularly good, but I was less awful. Today I got nervous and was awful, I could not hit a damn note for the whole first verse and it wasn’t till part way though the chorus I started to do ok, but I have no Idea what really happened or how good or bad it was. As soon it was over I sounded good again, or as good as I ever had, but man those nerves killed me, and I’m not really sure why, it’s not like it was any more public then I normally sing, I was actually less. I think that when I sing normally it doesn’t matter what people think, I’m singing but I’m not saying anything about myself, it is only for fun, but since I was trying out it’s like me saying, “I think I’m good, I am worth listening to” and I don’t want to be wrong or seen as conceited. We signed up for fun; we threw ourselves at the mercy of the judges because we didn’t care, if they wanted us cool, if not it’s just as well, we would just as happily spend the night with french-fries and our long boards. But I can’t get over the Image that put out of me, and that I couldn’t give my best, that it just wasn’t happening.
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It’s now been several days… I think a week, no it must have been two, but we did make it, to our somewhat surprise we have made it. It is still weird though, I thought I sprung back to normal as far as singing goes right after, but that’s not quite true, I think I’ve mellowed out and can sing again, at least as well as I ever could, but there were a lot of hiccups on the way, To include a terrible video taken of our cover of Soul Sister by a bon fire where I was in the wrong key the whole damn time, but even being back (I think) it’s weird to look back on. I don’t think I’m particularly good, not to say I think I am bad, I just simply don’t know, but we are going to try and make a project of music these next few months, just have fun, I mean that’s much of what music is about. We have a big Youtube project we are working on, and we plan on singing out in the streets for spare change over the summer, and hopefully hit a few open mic nights, that will teach us quickly, or at least me where we stand. Hopefully it will be a good few extra bucks, help me pay for coffee and Tyler for his fast food habit. I guess we will just see where it takes us, as long as we are having a good time.